JD Vance Is on a Stalker Tour of Swing States (2024)

One of my favorite moments in that Harris-Walzapalooza in Philadelphia last night was when second gentleman Doug Emhoff practically rushed the stage to bear hug Governor Tim Walz, his wife Kamala Harris’s new running mate. It represented a lot of things to me. Walz killed it in his inaugural speech as VP nominee, before a packed arena of 12,000. He was funny, angry, serious. But one thing particularly moved me, and I think it moved Emhoff too: Early on, he promised Harris: “I have your back.”

Harris hasn’t always had people who have her back in past campaigns. There’s Emhoff, of course, since they married in 2014; her sister Maya Harris too. But she has sometimes been undermined, even sabotaged, by people who were supposed to be on her team—when she ran for president in the 2020 cycle, and later when she set up shop in the White House, too. One reason for Harris’s upsurge in confidence, it seems to me, is that she has finally put together a team that is completely loyal to her. That team is now complete with Tim Walz.

The rollicking Harris-Walz lovefest was in sharp contrast with Republican vice presidential nominee JD Vance’s dour appearance in Philly earlier in the day. Vance is scheduled to trail the pair to all the swing states they plan to visit this week. What is Donald Trump doing, sending his weirdo running mate out to stalk the charismatic Democratic duo, like a hangdog ex-husband? The low-energy Trump has exactly one event this week, in the critical swing state of… Montana.

In Philadelphia, roughly 200 people turned out to hear Vance whine, take cheap shots, and introduce unfortunate local residents who blamed immigrants for their family members’ drug problems. Salon’s Amanda Marcotte described the crowd this way:

One upside to the Vance event: There was no line to use the ladies’ room. Sure, there were women in attendance, but the gender ratio felt like the guest list on Joe Rogan’s podcast. There was one kind of diversity in this small but weirdly intense crowd. Every type of white man that gets a hasty “swipe left” on his dating profile was in attendance: ’Roided out dudes with bad tribal tattoos. Older men radiating “bitter divorce” energy. Men with enormous beards that have never known the touch of a trimmer. Skinny fascists wearing expensive suits, despite the oppressive heat. Glowering loners staring at the two women under 40 like cats watching birds out a window.

Walz, meanwhile, got off one-liner after one-liner, introducing the Minnesota state motto, when it comes to reproductive justice, as “Mind your own business,” criticizing the crime wave that happened under Trump—“and that’s not even counting the crimes he committed”—and getting off a howler about being ready to debate Vance “if he’s willing to get off the couch and show up.” That’s a reference to an Internet-fabricated rumor about Vance, um, romancing a couch. You could see on Harris’s face the effort not to laugh out loud, as most of the crowd was doing.

A digression: I saw white, male pundits, even a few I like, pearl-clutch about Walz descending into making an off-color joke about something that probably isn’t true. This is after seven years (more, counting the Obama-birther slander) of Trump viciously lying about every Democrat under the sun (and some Republicans too). But Democrats must be careful never to mock their opponents? Miss me with that bullsh*t.

The next morning, from suburban Detroit, Vance let off an even crueler gibe—that Walz’s retiring from the National Guard after 24 years, soon before his unit was scheduled to be deployed in Iraq, represented “stolen valor.” Walz left the guard to run for Congress. If Vance says that to Walz’s face when they debate—which will reportedly happen on CBS in September—let’s hope Walz reminds Vance that Trump obtained a medical exemption to service in Vietnam because of his bone spurs.

Vance spoke to a small crowd at a private event outside the Shelby Township police station, where he also trashed Walz’s handling of protests in the wake of the police murder of George Floyd. Meanwhile, more than 50,000 people have already RSVP’d for Harris and Walz’s Detroit rally, so they’ve had to move locations, reportedly to an airport hangar. What an embarrassment for Vance. He’d be better off campaigning from his couch than stalking Harris and Walz around the swing states. Nice work, Donald Trump, setting your running mate up for failure.